Lowe's Early Christmas Tent Upsets OutKick Writer on Halloween

Nightcaps is OutKick’s daily rundown, a Monday-through-Friday column designed to catch you up on the major sports, news, and culture stories you likely missed while pretending to be busy at your desk.

It’s the final Hump Day of October. It feels like we just kicked off what is objectively the best month of the year, yet it’s already winding down. Sad. And there’s a punch to the gut that hits even harder.

Yesterday afternoon, I walked into the Lowe’s down the street and found this:

Disgusting behavior. I get it, by the way. Don’t get me wrong. Save your “This is how advertising works!” emails. I know. I get it.

It doesn’t make it any more palatable, though. Lowe’s has already turned the page on Halloween. In fact, not pictured is the giant tent out in the parking lot that they’ve already got set up.

That’s the Christmas tree (!!!) tent, and it’s been up since last week. As Mike Gundy once said, “Where are we at in society today?!”

Anyway ...

Welcome to a Hump Day Nightcaps, the one where Justin Herbert's fiancée, Madison Beer, hears it from sad Chargers fans during her performance at Disneyland.

Happiest Place on Earth my butt!

What else? I've also got Nic Cage portraying the late John Madden (I use 'portray' loosely), Rays fans under fire for being swallowed by Brewers fans, and OutKick legend Aileen Hnatiuk may have single-handedly willed Tampa to a Game 5 last night.

You'll see.

OK, grab you a pumpkin beer for our final Hump Day class of October, and let's get this show on the road.

DOLPHINS AVOID 0-17 CRISIS, PICK UP FIRST WIN OF SEASON AGAINST STRUGGLING JETS ON THE ROAD

Madison Beer's honeymoon is apparently over

No stalling today. As I've said, time ain't our side right now. We've all got things to do and pumpkins to carve before Mariah Carey invades our homes for the next two months.

So, let's start with the NFL ...

If you would've told me in August that the Colts and Chargers would be the two most embarrassing teams in the league by Halloween, I would've said you were NUTS. I'd just naturally assume it was my Dolphins, but they've been more than respectable this season.

Most ethical tank job of all time. Well done, Miami.

Yesterday, the Colts started their fire-sale, and I assume the Chargers ain't far behind. They're coming off a bye week, and now get to play the Rams. When they lose, I wouldn't be surprised to see Mike McDaniel canned.

ROB GRONKOWSKI CALLS CHARGERS 'PROBABLY THE BIGGEST MESS IN THE NFL' RIGHT NOW AFTER ROUGH START

Even as a miserable Dolphins fan who was ready to see McDaniel go, I'll admit, I'm a little shocked at just how bad they've looked on offense this season. For years, the debate was, "Tua or Herbert?" The answer, it seems, is neither. They both stink.

Trust me, I have a ton of Herbert in fantasy this year, and my teams STINK. He's looked genuinely terrible.

Which brings me to his fiancée, Madison Beer ...

Welcome to hell, Madison! And I ain't talking about Disneyland:

Where do we rank this Madden impression?

"FIX THE CHARGERS!" has got to be such a deflating thing to hear if you're Madison Beer performing at Disneyland. She signed on for a great season, and it's just been pure misery week in and week out.

Madison and Herbert were all the rage in the offseason. We couldn't get enough of them. They had the NFL world wrapped around their fingers, and now she's having to deal with questions that should be directed at the front office.

Sad. Chin up, Madison! Surely it can't get any worse, right ...

Can't say I blame Justin here. Lord knows it's how I'd handle an 0-5 start. I respect the choice of beverage, too. Miller Lite is elite. Nobody does the aluminum bottle game better.

Moving on ...

Speaking of doing things better, let's check in with Nicolas Cage as his new John Madden biopic gets set to hit your Prime Video streams in just three shorts weeks!

Aileen & the World Series

I'm gonna level with everyone ...

Nicolas Cage’s John Madden impression is so far off it barely qualifies as a parody. He didn't even try to mimic the legend's cadence. It just sounds like Cage, talking like Cage. The actor playing Pat Summerall fares no better, though he gets a pass because everyone is fixated on how disastrous Cage's performance was. Both are terrible.

Close your eyes and listen. Give yourself a thousand guesses. You would never land on John Madden. You’d assume it’s Nicolas Cage because that’s exactly what it sounds like. For those who missed the original, this is what peak Madden actually looked like.

Those were the days. Our family grew up eating turducken on Thanksgiving specifically because of Madden’s influence. He was the best. The process of assembling that bird is disgusting, but done right, it’s delicious.

Let’s pivot to the Hump Day ratings. I was wrong about this World Series. I expected Fox to get hammered with the Rays and Brewers matchup. The numbers tell a different story. They are solid. Not Yankees or Dodgers levels, sure. But over 12 million viewers for Game 1 and nearly 11 million for Game 2 is a strong start. Especially since Game 2 competed against college football.

Game 3 gets harder. It faced off against Cowboys-Eagles. There’s a reason the Cowboys hold six primetime slots per year. Still, this is a win for MLB.

Not really a win for the owners, though. The argument that small market teams can’t compete on and off the field has crumbled this postseason. That makes the inevitable lockout in five weeks a tough sell. We’re likely facing a long offseason. We’ll see.

The TV numbers look good, but the optics inside the Trop on Monday were poor. A lot of empty seats. I know it was a blowout. I know it’s a big park. But I can’t imagine Rays ownership loved that view.

There is still time to show out. Game 5 is tonight. Let’s extend this to Game 6, fellas. This might be the last baseball we see for a while.

Tampa reporter Aileen Hnatiuk, who went mega-viral a few years back as a Saints reporter, willed the Rays to a big Game 4 win in extras. Welcome back, Aileen.

Good final October Hump Day. Solid work.